Author Archives: beholdconfusion

A Nursery Rhyme

When I was eleven years old, I
sat on the front porch and wrote my first poem. Continue reading

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Achilles’ Shield

It’s not Achilles’ shield, singularly struck by Hephaestus, god-made and anger-wielded. It’s not graven with the life of star, man, and beast upon it, this silver-plate tea tray from the bottom shelf of an Upstate Salvation Army, but minted by the … Continue reading

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What is a Squirrel?

A squirrel is a living sine wave arcing from telephone pole to telephone pole. It is a wavelet racing across the rising swell of highway, crest and trough just the same; an eye winking in the sun or headlights- just a pebble … Continue reading

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How Does the DJ Know to Only Play Songs About You?

Love, or falling into it, is a walk back at night in winter, under snow and silent, spreading clouds, crossing the pools of lamplight and ignored by sleeping houses, heading off into the dark and the cold, hands bunched in pockets, radio … Continue reading

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Deer Crossing

I caught just a fragment of her, on the hillside, in my headlights, only an image to identify. Brown belly and soft ears glaring in halogen light. Then we both twitched in fear – and separated. A hundred feet down the road … Continue reading

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“Amusing Ourselves To Death” Is Not So Amusing, Is Mostly Dead.

Sometime in high school I read Neil Postman’s criticism of “modern” television-focused culture, Amusing Ourselves to Death.  It was first published in 1984, so reading when I did in the early 2000’s, it was already an artifact of another era.  I … Continue reading

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Queering Haeckel

Coming out queer as an adult, to myself as well as to the world, reveals some knots in experiences had previously seemed like simple and smooth parts of my past.  Detangling memories of a probably-queer-but-a-million-miles-from-being-recognized-as-such childhood has been taking up a lot of my … Continue reading

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All About the Bass, Not So Much About the Patriarchy

I choose hear a young woman, caught in the weird years between playing with dolls and going to prom, gathering the collected wisdom of her life so far: storybook morals (“Every inch of you is perfect…”), pop culture (“I’m bringing booty back”), and parental advice (“Yeah my mama she told me…”),and turning it into her own words and her own moral-of-the-story, “I’m all about the bass.”
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Hello, World!

Six months ago I wrote a post about losing my faith in God.  That post took me seven years to be able to write.  And although I had intended on it being just part of my reentry into blogging I found … Continue reading

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Losing Faith

I was twenty one when I realized I no longer believed in God. It was the summer between my junior and senior year of college.  I was living in a tiny, hot one room apartment with my fiance.  I remember … Continue reading

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